Out of WHACK

I think that my chi/aura/electromagnetic field is whacked. Evidence of this:

1. Every piece of computer equipment I touch implodes. My laptop crashed on Saturday after about a month of freezing randomly. A day later my router sizzled out. A day later the laptop I was borrowing to take my exams froze. Fortunately things don't immediately die, otherwise I wouldn't be able to post to the Penguin Files.

2. The day after we "opened" our chakra to let our chi flow in my Thai Chi class in college in the fall of 2003), I woke up with hip problems. I then went on to have the worst groin pull in history, dislocate my collar bone into my neck, and suffer continuous back pain. It was all downhill from there.

3. A random "seer" we met on the streets of Milan had trouble reading my future...I'm unsure of the implications of that one.

4. Chirping birds stop chirping when I walk under their tree and my basement light flickers when I go down to do laundry.

(Ok, #4 is false, but it would be kind of funny if that happened.)

Anyway, I'm convinced I need some sort of holistic treatment. Or maybe stop eating high fructose corn syrup, aka Candy Corn. I miss my laptop. And I need more negative ions.