My friend MD, at my request, gave me these foot pads that suck the toxins out of you. I believe I need these toxin sucking pads because I'm toxic (but not like Britney Spears). I have a few occurrences to back that up.
(1) Every time I get in a sauna or hot tub, I get slightly swoony and start to feel awful. My friend JS says that's because my liver is full of toxins.
(2) The last time I got in a sauna, I didn't sweat. My friend IR says that's weird. I agree.
(3) I've been feeling toxic for the last month or so.
So there it is. Irrefutable evidence that I am toxic. And these pads suck toxins out while you sleep. They turn black from all the gross stuff coming out of your body. I'm not sure how they suck the toxins out, but they do. Obviously. So I tried one last night. And this morning, I woke up with a really black pad (it must have sucked lots of toxins out!!) that smelled like BBQ sauce. So maybe I'm full of BBQ sauce??
Anyway, they had a snippet on NPR about these pads here. Pay no attention to the last sentence about an analysis at a California laboratory...
PS. Today is the last day to register to vote in PA so get out there and do it if you haven't!
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5 comments:
I can see you putting it up to your nose and smelling it.
I've seen commercials for these Toxic Pads...I think I want some! Where do I get them?
P.S. I like the B. Spears reference :)
Your liver IS full of toxins, I'm sticking to my story. But, I don't think they're going to come out your feet. My old chiropractor used to give me a toxin-sucking foot bath but studies haven't been too kind to those contraptions, either.
Do a detox, do a detox! A real one. Mostly so I can read about your experiences here ...
BBQ sauce reference was very quotable. Perhaps you ARE full of BBQ sauce. :)
you should probably wash your feet before you go to bed. it might help with the blackness...
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